" NEW " DESOLATION

Elsie Georgina Dixon

 A single red rose lay beside her head on the pillow in the ward of Lewisham Hospital where my beloved Mother died on this day 50 years ago. It somehow served to moderate that desolation that had overtaken me since the news was received.

 

A young doctor came in smartly to see my Father, my elder brother and me. I do not recall his precise words, but they conveyed the idea that we had expected my Mother's death. We had not, and we made it clear to him that nothing had been said to us to suggest that possibility. Looking back on events, I could see that we ought to have read the signs. Earlier in the evening I had visited Mum and she asked me to re-arrange the chair at her bedside, because it had been moved "when the Priest came" . At the time, i was simply pleased that a Priest had paid her a visit - but I now understood that he had been there to administer Extreme Unction. Thank God for that. I had been concerned about her heavy breathing , but felt sure that the Hospital had her care well in hand. Not long after I returned to my suburban home, my elder brother rang to say that Mum had died. I was devastated .

The young Doctor disappeared as quickly as he had appeared, offering apologies.

No one who has suffered the loss of a loved one remains unmarked by the experience. The deaths of one's parents  are particular - as if the branch one has always sat comfortably upon, has been sawn off behind us.

 

Who's feeding me?

 
It does not seem like 50 years ago. But so much has happened since. I was a young Father then, deeply and happily involved in the life of my young family, my beloved wife and first child - a bright eyed young daughter . Yet the death of my Mum struck me hard.And the effects of it remain until today , no doubt they will always remain.But, unlike in those early days, I have long since stopped thinking I saw her in a crowd somewhere, or stopped going to telephone her to tell her something ,as in the first weeks.

She was remarkable for her loving kindness - there was never an unkind word from her - though she suffered greatly from the unkind words and actions of others - often those very near to her. She was not a gregarious person , she lived a quiet life happy within the family circle.

Can it really be 50 years? (Am I THAT old?)

A song from a recent musical sums Mum up well...: "A Heart Full of Love". 

Requiescat in Pace.(There is no time in Eternity - so 50 yrs is nothing.)